Date/Acquaintance Rape Prevention for Him and Her

                     by Connie Saindon, M.A., MFT, CTS

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   The National Victims of Crime Resource Center surveyed 50,000
   households to obtain their estimate of 485,290 rapes and sexual
   assaults in 1993. Sexual assault is the forgotten violent crime. Other
   studies find that only 10 percent of rapes are reported and a small
   percent of those are successfully prosecuted. Additional data from the
   National Victim Center and Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center
   shows that 12.1 million American women report having been forcibly
   raped at least once. In a majority of these cases, the perpetrator was
   known to the victim. In fact, in the 1993 report, the percentage of
   those known to the victim was 74.2 percent. This report also states
   that in 1992, over 55,000 American women were raped each month -- over
   1800 women per day.

   Victims can be a 50 year old woman who asked the man next door to
   repair her toaster, or a single 35-year-old office worker who got a
   ride home with a colleague (Lewin, 1991). Such types of rapes have
   been around for a long time; the Old Testament (2 Sam. 13:1-15)
   describes an acquaintance rape committed by Amnon, son of King David.
   The term date rape was first used in a September, 1982 article in Ms.
   Magazine.

   While rape is fully the responsibility of the perpetrator, the
   following guidelines are intended to reduce the possibility of
   confusion, increase one's personal safety and reduce the risk of being
   accused of rape.

  Guidelines for Him and Her

   Guidelines for women:


          1. Passivity, submissiveness and coyness can be dangerous, and
          may create an atmosphere of sexual aggression.

          2. At all times: be aware of your sexual boundaries, how far
          you feel comfortable going with the man you are with.

          3. Be aware of specific situations in which you don't feel safe
          and relaxed.

          4. Trust your gut feelings.

          5. Be aware of stereotypes which prevent you from
          self-expression, such as "anger isn't feminine," or "being
          assertive isn't feminine."

          6. Make sure your date knows and respects your feelings about
          "no" meaning "no."

          7. Know where to stop aggressive behavior.

          8. Remember that alcohol and/or drugs are involved in a large
          percentage of acquaintance rapes.

          9. Learn and practice assertive, honest communication skills
          with the men you date.

   Guidelines for men:


          1. Do not objectify women. See them as people with feelings.

          2. Learn to respect women's sexual boundaries.

          3. Pay attention to a woman's body language as well as to what
          she is saying (e.g., if she stiffens up, she is probably not
          comfortable with how far you are going).

          4. Be self aware. Know when you are starting to cross the line.

          5. Even if you have always believed that women sometimes say
          "no" when they mean "yes," always act as if "no" means "no."

          6. It's never OK to force yourself on a woman, even if you
          think that she has been teasing and leading you on.

          7. Remember that alcohol and/or drugs are involved in the
          majority of acquaintance rape.

          8. Support women you date in being assertive and honest, not
          passive and coy.

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   Connie Saindon, M.A. is a Licensed Marriage and Familiy Therapist and
   is a Certified Trauma Specialist. Connie has provided outpatient
   mental health services for over 15 years and is an experienced
   Assertiveness Trainer and member of the Date/Acquaintance Rape
   Speakers Bureau in her community.



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