HELP FOR SELECTING AND DEALING WITH DATING SERVICES
                              by Richard Melton
                        edited by Lawrence Peregrim

You may have heard the old song that goes "Another Saturday night and I
ain't got nobody" and "if I could meet `em I could get `em, but as yet I
haven't met `em."  You think gee, that sounds just like me, an intelligent,
attractive, fun to be with single person.  A person who just cannot seem to
find that perfect soulmate, and it's getting more and more difficult just
meeting any potential candidates.  At some point you may consider joining a
dating service.  It's possible you may meet that perfect someone this way.
However, it's much more likely you will wind up bitterly disappointed with
the service, and have only a large dent in your wallet to show for it. The
purpose of this guide is to provide you with the collective experiences,
comments, and suggestions of about three-hundred people who have dealt with
dating services.  You can then decide for yourself if you want to join.
There is also advice on dealing with services, so that you will not be in
for a big disappointment and a large monetary loss.

A well-known, large national dating service attempted to recruit me a few
months ago.  Suspecting that a lot of their hype and promises were
exaggerations,  I decided to conduct some research into the dating service
industry by posting messages on local BBS message boards, on-line service
forums, and several newsgroup areas on Usenet.  I asked for experiences and
comments with specific dating services by name and well as general
comments.  I also captured, but did not participate in, several threads
from on-line services concerning dating services.  I had known the dating
service industry as a whole does not enjoy a very good reputation,
nonetheless, the results I have received and read are surprising.  More
than ninety-five percent of people describing their experience were
dissatisfied with their dating service, and a large majority of these were
very upset with their company.  Some were (as you will read later)
indisputably ripped-off.  Most feel they have been defrauded, or deceived,
because the service is nothing like what they were led to believe by the
company's representative and its advertisements.

Many people who complained about their dating service made similar
statements.  If they had known what they now know from experience, they
would not have joined the organization or otherwise would have done things
a lot differently before they enrolled. Therefore, I decided to compile the
information I have collected into this guide for singles who are
considering joining a dating service.

DISCLAIMER:  To some of you, this report may seem exceedingly critical of
the dating service industry.  It has, nevertheless, earned for itself a
really poor reputation.  I am sure there are some very good dating services
available; if you own or operate such a service, you should be applauded.
I mention some actual dating services by name in this guide.  Comments
about them, good and bad, are based on the statements of people who are, or
have been, members of these services, and should not necessarily be taken
as fact.  It is also possible some of the national services, while bad in
some geographic areas, may be good in others.  If you own or operate a
dating service with a bad reputation and are attempting to change it for
the better, doing so is really very easy.  During the recruitment process,
don't tell prospective members half and stretched truths, or make promises
you cannot or have no intention of keeping.  When someone does join, treat
them with dignity, fairness, and honesty, even when they have problems and
complaints.


DO YOU NEED A DATING SERVICE?

It is important to decide first if you really need to join a dating
service.  I received and read many comments from people who reported having
much better success with other methods of meeting qualified potential
mates.  Many respondents mentioned personal ads in local newspapers and
magazines have been more successful.  Others mentioned ideas such as
joining local singles' clubs or volunteer organizations where singles
donate their time, church sponsored groups, etc.  Still others suggest
asking your friends or family to introduce you to someone.  Since dating
services tend to be very expensive, you may wish to try these suggestions.
If after you try, or you have already tried, these suggestions and nothing
else has worked, then maybe a dating service should be considered. You can
not be too careful in selecting and dealing with these companies. Please
read and understand this information before you start your search for a
service.


TYPES OF DATING SERVICES

Dating services use several schemes to provide members with possible
matches.  All of the schemes I know of are variations of three basic
methods; I will discuss each of these, together with its advantages and
disadvantages.  There is one dominant problem with most of the dating
services: there are far more male members than females.  As you will see,
this problem compounds all disadvantages, and negates many of the
advantages of the methods used to match members.

Video Services

The first type of service to consider is one that allows you to select
potential matches yourself.  What happens here is that you go to their
office, visit their "library," and browse through a book with a brief
profile and photograph of each member. If you find a member that interests
you, you then view a short video tape presentation made by that member.
Some of these services are progressing to a more modern method where you
view a profile and video from a multi-media database. Members are listed by
first name and member number only.  If you find someone you want to meet,
you notify the dating service, who in turn notifies the person you
selected.  The company requests the person to come to the office and view
your profile and videotape. The individual will then let the service know
if there is interest, and the service will provide a means for personal
contact.

This scheme sounds like a very good idea, since it allows you to choose for
yourself who you would like to meet, accepting or rejecting members who
have expressed an interest in you.  In reality, however, your chances of
meeting very many potential mates are less with this type of service than
with companies that use other methods.  The problem is this: contrary to
what you may think, and what the company representative will tell you
during recruitment, people get first impressions almost exclusively by
appearance when evaluating someone in a photo and video.  Many individuals,
regardless of their attractiveness, are not photogenic and appear very
awkward and unnatural in a staged video recording.  You have probably
experienced this yourself.  Think about how many times you have seen
someone in a photo, on TV, or a movie, and found that person to be very
attractive.  However, after meeting him or her in person and discovering
their true appearance and demeanor, you were glad you don't have to be
around them.  Then think about an attractive person you know who is not
very photo/videogenic.  You would probably not find this person attractive,
or having a pleasing personality, just by seeing their photograph or video
because you are not acquainted with the individual.  That's why dating
services, along with many other businesses, often use actors, actresses, or
models in advertisements rather than "real people."  Unless you are above
average in looks and are photo/videogenic, this method is not for you,
especially when one adds the male/female ratio problem.

Men often complained there just were not enough females from whom to
choose, and after making their choices, females did not return positive
responses.  As a result, most men reported meeting very few females during
their membership.  In fact, the largest number reported was from a man who
had met ten women in three years; most men reported meeting five or less.
Some women, complaining that there were so many men requesting a response,
could not possibly review all of the respondents.  These individuals would
finally give up and quit reviewing photos and videos of men requesting a
response; they then would have time to choose some men they would like to
meet.  However, this usually did not work because these females could not
find any men that interested them. Many men, and several females, claimed
they were never selected despite being in the service several months. The
sad part is there were probably several very nice men and women on file,
who were not selected simply because they did not appear sufficiently
impressive in the photo and/or video.

The conclusion is this: the video method does not work for the majority of
people.  Furthermore, two companies that use this method, Great
Expectations and Heart To Heart, had by far, the highest complaint rate and
elicited the most vicious comments of all.  Only one person out of more
than the one hundred people whose comments I collected had anything good to
say about these services.  These companies have the worst reputation of
misleading you during the recruitment process, then treating you with
little respect and care when you become a member.  Remember, they do not
promise (at least in their agreement) that you will ever meet anyone, and
they may well take advantage of this.  After you become a member, it is all
up to you to make it work.  The company becomes, essentially, a message
service.  Far too often, after you received fewer contacts than you
expected or were led to believe, the company's attitude is: you are either
too selective, doing something wrong, or there is something wrong with you.

Database Matching Services

The second type of dating service to consider is one where some human or
computer chooses potential matches from a profile database of their
members.  You complete a rather lengthy profile of your hobbies, lifestyle,
age, etc., and a description of the type of person you prefer.  This
information is entered into the companies' client database.  After a match
is found, they provide a notice to both people and may make arrangements
for you to contact each other.  This may not sound very efficient, but this
method seems to work somewhat better than video services where you choose
and respond to people on your own.  There are several reasons for this.
Most significantly, it eliminates preconceived ideas about anyone's looks
and mannerisms until you meet them.  Furthermore, it gives each individual
an opportunity of getting to know the other through telephone conversation,
slowing the selection process. Both individuals have some time to think
about what they have learned before agreeing to meet in person.

Companies that use this method are also more likely to respond to your
complaints and suggestions, since they usually promise, in their agreement,
that they will provide a certain number of contacts.  The company can fine
tune your profile in their database as you become more aware of what kind
of person you seek.  That is, of course, assuming the company wants to do
this.  The big problem here is that, again, many services really do not
seem to care much about what you want.  Most people who complained about
this type of service said: it seems companies just throw names in a hat,
then pick names without regard to any profile matches.  This issue,
together with the common problem of the lopsided male to female ratio,
caused most men to complain that they did not receive anywhere near as many
contacts as they expected or were promised.  Men often would call a woman
to whom they were referred and be told that she had just given up and did
not want to meet anyone else matched to her. Women, for their part,
received many more contacts than they could meet.  Of the companies in this
category, Together received about three positive (but many more negative)
comments, and Matchmakers received nothing but bad comments.

Traditional Matchmakers

The third type of dating service is one where members are matched by
"intuition."  This might seem to be the worst of all, but actually seems to
work best.  Furthermore, services using this method tend to be local and
not part of some large, uncaring chain. This method seems to work best for
several reasons.  First of all, the person attempting to find you a match
has to meet you and get to know you somewhat.  Only then can this
individual think of anyone who may like to meet you.   In addition, since
you are dealing with one person, your relationship is more personal, and
you can better discuss problems that might arise.  This is probably the
oldest, most successful, method of matchmaking there is.  Think about how
many good relationships you know that were started by someone who thinks "I
should introduce Mary to John, they are very alike."  Often, someone else's
perception of what we need is more accurate than what we think we need.
The disadvantage here is finding such a service.  Obviously, companies
using this method are as open to deception as all others; since these
services are usually local, finding information about them can be
difficult.  If you find someone who has a gift for matchmaking, then you
will be probably feel satisfied by your dating service.  I did not receive
one single complaint about this type of service, and the five or six people
who did comment about them were satisfied.  Nonetheless, these businesses
should be approached with the same caution as any other type of service.


DO YOU STILL WANT TO JOIN A DATING SERVICE?

Now that you know the choices, the question still remains, do you want to
join a dating service?  If you are still considering doing so, there are a
few other things to keep in mind.  You will find that dating services
attempt to recruit members from a wide area around their offices.  You may
live in the fringes or far from their metro office location.  If a service
necessitates making several long trips per month for selection of, or
response to other members, make sure you have the time and desire necessary
to do so.  Whatever type service you use, you should realize that the
company probably will not have many members in your immediate area.
Consequently,  you may have to travel long distances to see the people you
decide to meet.

Always keep the following in mind when you start dealing with a dating
service. The company representative with whom you are dealing has only one
objective: to persuade you to join the service for the most money he or she
can get from you.  Far too many dating services, especially the large, well
known, heavily advertised ones, have a reputation of making false claims
and promises they cannot and do not honor to persuade you to join. The sad
fact is that there are businesses which knowingly and willingly deceive and
mistreat their customers and use loopholes in consumer protection laws to
release themselves from the responsibilities of their unethical actions.
The dating service industry appears dominated by such companies.  It is a
pity that services who are honest, caring, and which attempt to fulfill
their promises to a customer, must be approached with such extreme caution
and suspicion.


GETTING MORE INFORMATION

Before you approach any dating services under consideration, contact the
local better business bureau and other consumer information services for a
report.  If you have a computer and modem, post messages on local bulletin
boards and on-line services.  Ask around where you find single people
meeting.  If responses are mostly negative, then forget those companies and
start searching again until you find one with a decent reputation.  All
dating services will tell you they have thousands of happy members and
enjoy a wonderful reputation.  Don't take their word for it!


HOW MUCH DOES A DATING SERVICE COST?

If you contact dating services in your area, it is likely companies will be
very reluctant to quote prices on the phone.  They would rather lure you
into their office, show their propaganda and go through their sales pitch,
which often includes some high pressure tactics.  At this time, they find
out how serious you are about joining a dating service and how much you are
willing and able to pay.  Whenever and whatever offer they make, refuse it!

I have comments from people who paid around $1,000 for a given membership
with others paying about $4,000 for the same service from the same company.
This should tell you there are no fixed prices and that negotiation is
possible.  The standard rule seems to be: do not to pay more than one-third
the amount of their first quotation.

There are measures you can take to prevent that first quotation from being
astronomically high.  First, don't appear eager to join the service.  If
you are female, there is a much better chance of getting a lower quote
simply because they need you to help balance the male/female ratio problem.
The real kicker to look for, regardless of your sex, are their attempts to
find how much you can afford.  One way they will try to do this is, at
sometime during the interview process, they will suddenly ask some
legitimate questions to make sure you are qualified for membership, such as
are you married, do you have a criminal record, and so forth.  They will
ask if you are employed and what is your salary range.  If you are in a
profession where salary is known to be high, and/or you state a high salary
figure, you can bet the price they will quote just increased.  Don't fall
into this trap.

Also, be aware that these services may have hidden costs that they will not
initially mention.  Often, companies using photos and videos charge high
prices for photography and video taping sessions, as much as $400, not
included in your membership fee. They will also not tell you that your
photo and videotape must be updated every year or so, at your expense.
Most services will attempt to sign you to a multi-year agreement.  Don't go
for it; instead, ask about a deal on a trial membership basis.  Many
companies have such a plan, priced almost the same as full blown
membership, with privileges greatly reduced.  Attempt to negotiate a better
price and full membership privileges for trial service.  That way, if the
service is not suitable for you, you have not lost a large investment
discovering this.  Whatever deal you make, get it in writing, signed by the
representative AND management of the service. Also, make sure the agreement
states there will not be any additional charges whatsoever during the
course of your membership.

The plan here is to BARGAIN, BARGAIN, BARGAIN.  Don't believe them when
they tell you their first offer is their best and you will not again be
invited to join.  If you walk out, they will call back in a day or two with
a better offer.  To repeat, never pay more than one-third their original
quotation, and less if possible.


BEFORE YOU JOIN

There are several questions you should ask the company representative
before you consider joining the service.  In the following, I cover many
items that were suggested by people who responded to my query; these are
all basic questions to ask.  After you read through this section, think
about and make a list of other important items, and take the list with you
when meeting with the company.  Insist on receiving accurate answers to
your questions.

ú    Ask the representative how many active members they presently have,
  and find out what they mean by "active members."  Many people reported
  often being matched to someone who had long since moved out of town,
  changed their phone number, or stopped participating in the program for
  whatever reason.  It seems a number of services have a habit of keeping
  many inactive members in their files to inflate their total membership.
  Ask, if this is a photo/video selection service, to see their library.
  They will offer to show you a sample membership book, but you should insist
  on seeing the real thing.  The sample book is, most likely, not a very
  accurate representation of the actual membership book.  Count the number of
  members in their selection book, or video tapes in the library.  If you are
  told that they have x thousand members, but there are only a few hundred
  listings in the book or tapes in the library, you have been mislead.  Get a
  straight answer or get out of there and don't go back.

ú    Find out the average age of the active membership; if there are very
  few members in your age range, there is no point in joining.

ú    Check their male/female ratio (already mentioned as the most common
  problem with dating services).  It seems that, with most services, the
  majority of members are male.

ú    If you have no interest in meeting people of other races, and
  especially if you are of a minority race, find out how many active members
  share your racial background.

ú    If you live outside the metro area where the company's office is
  located, determine how many active members are in your area.  Many people
  that you choose or with whom you are matched may not want to contact you if
  there is a large distance between you.

ú    Request a copy of all of the company's membership materials to take
  home and study.  If the company will not let you take it home, then at
  least insist on looking at it while you are there.  Usually, they will not
  show this information before you join.  There is a good reason for this:
  these materials contain statements that could debunk a lot of  claims the
  representative has made to you.  I have read booklets from two of the major
  services, and both start preparing you for a letdown. The booklets makes
  statements such as, if you are not meeting enough satisfactory people, then
  you are too selective in your choices, or your photograph and video are
  turning other people off.  These services suggest several remedies.  You
  should consider people outside your age range, or, if you don't smoke or
  drink, you should consider people that do.  You should choose people with
  different hobbies and interests than yourself.  These services also
  suggest, if you are not being well received by other members, that you make
  changes in your looks, mannerisms, clothing styles, etc.  They further
  suggest you seek coaching to prepare yourself for a new photo and video
  session.  Some of these suggestions might actually be good advice, but the
  reason you are considering joining a dating service is to meet someone like
  yourself.  You do not want to be told there is something wrong with you if
  the service is not working.  If you need advice on changing yourself (so
  others find you more attractive), or acting lessons (to appear more natural
  in videos), approach businesses that specialize in those fields, not some
  crooked dating service. A number of respondents reported being told several
  times by their dating service they are doing things wrong or that there is
  something wrong with them.  This made them feel insulted, humiliated, or
  caused them to experience a loss of self esteem.  That's certainly not one
  expects or needs from a dating service.

ú    If you deal with a company that matches members by profiles, ask to
  complete your profile and the questionnaire about your preferred match
  before signing the agreement.  Be warned, however, that this is usually not
  permitted.  How would a service know it has hundreds of members of the sort
  you prefer if it has not yet asked you about this?  Also, there is a
  tendency for companies to try persuading you to not be very specific on
  details of your preference.  If you have already signed the agreement, and
  the representative starts mentioning that you are being too specific about
  these details, you probably have already been had!

ú    Here is a very important tip. You should have these questions,
  together with others you want to ask, written on paper. Record their
  answers and get both the representative and manager or owner of the dating
  service to sign a statement that their answers are accurate and not
  deceptive. You will learn why in the next section.


SIGNING THE AGREEMENT

This topic is most critical.  You should read this section carefully and
fully understand what you read. You will learn several of the many traps to
look for and actions that will protect you and your money from a dishonest
dating service.

Request copies of the agreement to study at home and (if you have one), for
your attorney to review.  They probably will not allow this, but at least
they will know you are not planning to sign without reading it.

First notice the agreement will probably contain three or four paragraphs
stating what the company promises to provide.  In addition, there will
probably be twenty or so paragraphs outlining items the company is not
responsible for and detailing action you cannot take against it.  Assume
you sign the contract as is, and are not satisfied with the service, or
cannot continue membership for some reason.  In this case, you may be stuck
without options for cancellation of the membership or be entitled to any
refund.

As previously mentioned, many dating services have a habit of  saying
whatever is necessary to get you to join.  For this reason, you should have
all promises and claims in writing and signed.

ú    Look for a clause stating that you did not join the service based on
  any promises or commitments made to you orally by a representative of the
  company.  Change this to read that the company agrees to honor all promises
  and commitments made in writing and signed by them.

ú    Look for a clause that releases the company from any damages, claims,
  or liabilities arising from inaccuracies or nondisclosures made to you by
  any company representative.  Change this to read they are responsible for
  any of these you have in writing and agreed to by the representative.

ú    Look for and strike out a clause releasing the company from
  responsibility for anything the company representative promises or claims.
  Modify all other clauses that appear to release the service from anything
  you were promised or led to believe.

ú    Look for and eliminate any clauses that allow the company to change or
  modify its operation without notice, permission, or obligation to its
  members. Otherwise, management could close the business and leave, owing
  you nothing.

ú    Eliminate any  clauses stating in the event of legal action, the
  member, and not the company, is responsible for all legal fees, including
  the company attorney's fee.  Rewrite this so that the losing party in a
  legal ruling is responsible for all legal fees.  The motivation for
  rewriting this statement is the following.  Two dating service members
  reported not receiving quite as many contacts as had promised in their
  contracts.  When complaints were filed, the company would not negotiate a
  refund and indicated if the member wanted a refund or settlement, he or she
  would have to bring legal action.  Such action would cost at least $2,000,
  not counting the dating service attorney's fee.  It is not worth that much
  money to bring a lawsuit, with no guarantee you will win, to get back maybe
  $1,000 or so.  Companies know this, and will use it to their advantage.
  This clause may also state that should any court of competence rule any
  part of the agreement to be invalid, other parts are still  considered
  valid by the company.  Eliminate or change the clause if you do not agree
  with it.

ú    Rewrite any statements where you agree the fee you pay is earned at
  the end of the initial interview, and that, the company does not grant any
  requests for refunds or cancellations.  You should change such statements
  so that you can cancel if  necessary and receive a refund pro-rated for the
  actual term of  your membership.  State a pro-rated basis you think is
  fair.

ú    There will be a statement that the company does a reasonable
  investigation to verify information the member disclosed about him or
  herself, but the company is not responsible for the information being
  accurate.  No one reported meeting someone really horrible, such as a
  rapist or murderer.  Some women, however,  indicated they had been matched
  with married men who had joined the service just to meet a woman with whom
  to have a "fling."  I suspect the only investigation some of these
  companies do is to make sure you can pay for the service; even a routine
  investigation should reveal if a person is married.  Most dating services
  are not very selective about who can become a member.  They are looking for
  quantity, not quality.  Therefore, they probably will not agree to changes
  in that clause. If you are worried about the possibility about meeting
  someone really bad, you should try to rewrite it somewhat so that they do
  share at least some responsibility.

This is only a sample of the things you should look for and alter.
Carefully read and understand each clause before you initial it and sign
the contract.  If you don't understand it, ask them to rewrite it so you
can understand and agree with it.  When you and the company finally agree
to the altered agreement, make sure everything changed is initialed by the
representative and management of the company, and that both sign the
agreement.  I already mentioned clauses stating the company does not have
to honor any action made by a representative.  What this really means is
this: if the representative with whom you are dealing signs the agreement
without management cosigning, the company need not abide by their end of
the agreement.  Statements that really trap you tend to be written in
different forms in various parts of the agreement.  You may think you have
eliminated or rewritten a particular statement to your satisfaction, but
may miss its second or third occurrence.

By now you may be wondering if the company will actually agree to all these
changes; the answer is probably not.  Any business has the responsibility
and privilege to legally protect itself, but some take the privilege too
far.  Many dating services will take as much of your money they can, then
legally release themselves from any promises and claims they make,
justifying their no refund policy.  As a minimum, I strongly recommend that
you never join a service that does not include, or will not allow, a refund
clause.  This clause is based on a pro-rated scale should you or the
company become unable to fulfill the terms of the contract.

Whatever agreement you sign, do not lose your copy.  There was one reported
incident where the dating service had altered the original copy kept in
their files, after the member signed it.  You will probably be offered a
carbon copy of the signed agreement; I would go one step farther and insist
upon getting a photocopy of the original as well.


PAYMENT OPTIONS

The first words of advice here are to pay the total amount by personal
check after signing the agreement  Why not pay on terms with a credit card?
For one thing, a canceled check is absolute proof you made the payment; if
you paid in full, there can be no (or at least little) contest more money
is due.  Two people complained about one office of a well-known national
service, where they and several other members were persuaded to make
installment payments by credit card.  On some payments, the installments
were billed twice. The member notified the credit company, which then sent
an inquiry to the dating service office.  The service returned a statement
indicating the charge was justified and credit would not be issued.
Another office of the same company used variations of this trick on two
other members. In one case, they agreed (orally) to receive installment
payments by alternately billing two different credit cards belonging to the
member.  The company then routinely billed the full installment on both
cards and refused to issue any credit.  In the other case, the member gave
two of her credit card account numbers after being promised each account
would be billed half the total cost; neither account would reach its credit
limit.  The company nonetheless billed both cards for the full amount, and
refused to issue credit to either account.  This caused both to reach their
credit limit and become invalid until she was able to pay off the amount
charged to each card.  Legal action was the only recourse to get the dating
service to refund the double charged amount.

However you decide to pay, make sure you have the total amount for the
duration of the service, and any payment terms, usual or unusual, IN
WRITING.  Get paperwork signed by the representative and management of the
company.


AFTER YOU JOIN

Now that you have joined a dating service, you may think it's time to start
planning your schedule so you will have time to meet a lot of wonderful
people.  If you have read all of the topics in this guide, you already know
this is an unrealistic expectation.  By far, the largest complaint about
dating services was how much money was spent to meet a few people, none of
whom resembling what was expected or of the sort one would want to meet.

If you joined a dating service where you make your own selection from
member photos and videos, you are likely to meet only a few people.  The
explanation for this, like all other statements in this guide, is based on
comments I collected from members of dating services.  A typical scenario
might read like the following.  Assume, during one year of membership, you
find twelve members that interest you.  Out of twelve, it's probable two
are no longer participating in the program and never see or react to your
request for response.  Of the remaining ten, six return a negative response
after viewing your photo and videotape. Of the four left, there are three
who agree to meet you.  Now, assume five other members request a response
from you.  Of these, two are sufficiently appealing to warrant a positive
response.  If you meet these two individuals, as well as the three people
who responded positively to your material, then this scenario produces five
people you will meet during that year.

Your prospects are not much better if, instead, you joined a service that
provides matches based on profiles.  The service may guarantee a certain
number of contacts and may or may not honor this guarantee. Assume that
they guaranteed twenty contacts during a one year period and they do honor
that promise. A typical scenario for this type of service might go as
follows.  Of the twenty contacts you receive, there are four you attempt to
reach only to find their listed phone number is no longer valid.  Of the
sixteen left, two tell you they are romantically involved right now and are
not interested in meeting you.  Of the remaining fourteen, two are so
disgusted with the service, that they do not want to meet anyone matched to
them.  Of the twelve left, you can estimate discovering, through phone
conversations, about half do not have enough in common with you to warrant
a meeting.

I did not receive enough information about localized services that match by
intuition to get an idea of how many people you can expect to meet.  The
four people who mentioned this type of service expressed satisfaction, so
despite the low quantity of people, at least the quality appears to be
there.  However, do not take this as an endorsement of these services.
There are crooks doing business in this type of service just as there are
with other types.

The conclusion is this: meeting that special someone through a dating
service is just as much a hit and miss proposition as any other method.
The quantity and quality of contacts you make depend on the company's
honesty, and well as their willingness to work with you to make their
service more effective.  I hope you have learned that far too often, dating
services make grandiose claims to recruit you.  After they have your money
and signed contract, you are a history item to most of these companies.
They do not honor their promises and claims, and do not listen to your
suggestions and complaints.  Nevertheless, even with a bad service, there
is a chance you will meet that special someone eventually.  You already
handed over a lot of money for their service, so you might as well stick
with it.  You also do the other members a favor by remaining active in the
service.  If you are so frustrated and angry with the service and cannot
tolerate continued participation, then you may feel deceived and taken.
You will not be alone in that feeling.


IF YOU GET DEFRAUDED

If you follow the suggestions given above and are very careful dealing with
the service, you will diminish the probability of fraud.  If you are ripped
off, you have a better chance of getting out relatively unscathed
emotionally and financially. If you have already been taken by a dating
service, you really don't have many options, but there are some,
nevertheless.

First, attempt to reason with the company by phone and correspondence.  If
they are honest and trustworthy, they will probably offer some sort of
negotiated settlement.  More likely, they are going to ignore your
complaint or blame problems on you.  Some companies are known to be rude,
offensive, demoralizing, and to make threats of legal action to squelch
complaints.  Reports show certain companies canceling the membership of
people who complained.

If this does not work, you should then file a complaint with the local
Better Business Bureau.  Be aware, however, that the dating service may be
a supporting member of the BBB; in this case, expect to have a difficult
time filing a claim.  By the time you have written a complaint that the BBB
will accept as valid, it will be so watered down as to be almost pointless.
File complaints with every local consumer protection agency, or government
consumer bureau you can find.  Most states, as well as some cities and
counties, have such organizations.  You can also write to local newspapers
and magazines that publish articles of consumer interest, as well as radio
and television stations; suggest they investigate this outfit.  If you have
a flair for writing, compose articles about your experience and submit them
to local publications that welcome unsolicited articles from their readers.

Taking legal action against a company  is easier in some states than
others.  In some states, consumer laws protect the consumer; in others,
they tend to protect businesses.  Even in states with laws favoring
consumers, the courts will sometimes rule in favor of the business.  If you
need to find an attorney for advice, local bar associations usually have a
service that will refer you to an appropriate attorney, and will set up an
initial consultation for a very small fee. This is normally only a thirty
minute consultation.  However, that's usually enough time to determine if
you have a good case against the company, what your chances are of bringing
successful legal action, and what the costs may be to you.  Be aware that
in most states, small claims court is held in the county of the business
location.  The small claims court judge is usually a county judge.  If you
live in a different county, your chance of receiving a judgment in your
favor is less.  Most dating service fees are out of the range for small
claims court anyway.

You may want to try finding other people in the area who feel they have
been defrauded by the same company.  If you find enough people, a class
action suit may be a possibility.  A mob of angry customers will get the
attention of a company or a legal court much faster than some poor soul
claiming he or she was taken.  The company, in either case, will probably
come up with a stack of wonderful testimonials of how great their service
is.  I can tell you this: they don't get these testimonials from on-line
services and BBS's!

Probably the best thing to do, if you do get ripped-off, is to warn all
other singles about the dangers of joining that company.  A good way to do
this is through on-line services, newsgroups, and BBS's.  Be careful in
doing this; always make it clear that whatever you state is your own
opinion.  Some dating services are known to threaten legal action against
people who have made negative statements about them.  If you find many
others in your area that share your feeling, you may all want to form a
support group.  Money and resources could be pooled to purchase
advertisements warning other singles about the dangers; the ads could
appear in local publications that singles read.  Maybe the company will
have to change their ways to attract new members, and others will not be
defrauded in the future.  You may also generate enough media attention that
local consumer action groups might become involved in your efforts,
creating more public attention and possible governmental action to stop
these unethical operators.

Notice that these are options you have in your local area. Even though a
number of dating services are national, their franchises are locally (or
regionally) owned.  Therefore, you would have to bring action against the
particular franchise in your area2.  Complaints to the parent company that
you have been mistreated or deceived by a local office, will most likely
result in an unsatisfactory response.  The company will probably say they
are sorry you are upset, and that they are not responsible for actions of
their franchise owners.  I imagine their contract with the franchise owner
has a clause making this clear, so you can probably forget any national
action, except to warn others to be cautious when dealing with the company.


SUMMARY

YOU MAY NOT NEED A DATING SERVICE.  Other methods are usually less
expensive and more productive.

CHOOSE A DATING SERVICE WITH A GOOD REPUTATION.  Exhaustively research
companies until you do find one with a good reputation.  The dating service
will claim to have a great reputation; do not rely solely on their word.

AVOID SOME SERVICES.  Stay away from large national chains that offer
selection of other members by photos and videos.  The best services to
consider are local services that match by "intuition."

DON'T PAY FULL PRICE.  Bargain. A rule of thumb is pay no more than one-
third the quoted price, especially at large national chains.  Make sure
there are no hidden costs.

BE SURE THE SERVICE IS SUITABLE TO YOU.  Find out how many members they
have that meet your basic requirements, such as male/female ratio, race,
age, etc.

SCRUTINIZE THE CONTRACT.  Try to get a copy to study at home and for review
by an attorney.  Strike or rewrite any statements limiting your rights.
Make sure you have any verbal promises written into the contract and signed
by management.

GET THE CONTRACT IN WRITING AND SIGNED BY MANAGEMENT.  This can not be over
emphasized.  Make sure everything they promised, claimed, and changed in
the contract (including total cost) is written and signed by the owner or
management.  Do not lose any of your copies of the paperwork.



I hope this guide will assist singles in choosing and dealing with dating
services.  If you have found it helpful, or if you have questions, comments
or suggestions, I would like to hear them. You may reach me by e-mail at
richmel@crl.com.  If you find it worthy of other's attention, consider it
freeware.  Upload it wherever you want so others may benefit from the
experiences of others who are, or were, members of a dating service, and
from my effort preparing the report.  My only request is that the context
of the guide remain unaltered.  If you wish to add comments, place them at
the end of the guide clearly indicating that these are not statements added
by the original author.

If you do find a good dating service in your area, publicize it!  A lot of
the local services cannot afford the expensive advertising like that of the
large national chains.  Let everyone know about a good deal, not just the
bad ones