Marital Therapy-A Search for the Self and Each Other

                       by Pat Pitta, Ph.D., A.B.P.P.


   The only thing Joanne and Mike seem to do lately is fight. They are
   both very tired of this, and are thinking they'll have to divorce if
   it doesn't stop. Joanne is getting increasingly upset at work and her
   productivity is falling. Mike is starting to take it out on the
   children.

   The basis for marital problems such as those of Joanne and Mike are
   threefold: Poor communication skills, the inability to cope with
   life's problems and one's own level of maturity and development of
   mature defenses.

   The marital relationship is a tug of war for power and control. When
   the leverage of the couple becomes one sided: disappointment, fears,
   worries and anger become predominant emotions which will envelop the
   relationship. This behavior leaves the couple with a sense of utter
   despair, confusion and just feeling hopeless. At this point, many
   couples think about leaving the relationship because they just can't
   understand and work with the dynamics in the relationship. They just
   can't tolerate their conflicted feelings. The impulse to run away is
   paramount, but the reality is you can not run away from yourself. It
   is essential that you understand your role in and contribution to
   making the relationship dysfunctional.

   When each member of the couple can:


          face their inner feelings,

          observe their behavior patterns,

          take responsibility for their actions,

          and leave the blame behind,

   the couple has the opportunity for the marriage to repair its
   functioning.


   The purpose of marital therapy is to:


          enable individuals to function in the most mature fashion
          possible,

          take responsibility for their actions, feelings and behaviors,

          to join each other on their journey to better communication and
          emotional fulfillment.

   As a result, the couple can solve problems and develop the type of
   marriage that will enable them to fulfill their needs and desires.

   If you can not solve your own problems by talking to each other, seek
   help and help yourself and your spouse. If your spouse will not go to
   therapy, you go. We don't grow at the same rate or the same time. For
   a system to grow, you only need one person to change.


   Dr. Pitta is a Clinical Psychologist practicing in Manhasset, New
   York. She hold a Diplomate degree from the American Board of Family
   Psychology and is an Approved Supervisor of the American Association
   of Marriage and Family Therapy. She is an Adjunct Professor at St.
   John's University, Queens, New York. Dr. Pitta can be contacted at
   PPitta4883@aol.com.



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