THE 5-MINUTE PARENT: Dynamite Ways To Help Your Child in SCHOOL by Dr. Norman L. Ellenberg Professor Emeritus CalState Univ. 1-YOU-the parents are the KEY !! 2-Things that help--SPECIFICS 3-Overcoming bad habits-YESuccess 4-Eliminating distractions-like TV 5-Other powerful things that work 6-Parents-good enough to be HIRED? ---------- YOU ARE THE KEY TO YOUR CHILD'S SUCCESS Will you give your child 5 minutes a night? A lot can be done in that time. He must feel that THIS TIME IS HIS---no phone calls or TV interruptions, not even attention to your other children. (Their time will be THEIRS). HERE'S WHAT TO DO: Read to your child. In any language he understands. That keeps up interest in stories or news events. In learning generally. Make your child read to you. In English. READING is "the big three"---learning to Read, Reading to learn and Reading for life. (Get the habit early, it will last for life). Library-get your child a public library card. Stay there with him until he is comfortable. Besides all the books, there are other things there: exhibits, story hours, and tapes, records, and lots more. Newspapers-encourage him to use a newspaper, one section at a time. Sports or local news are a good beginning. Movie and record reviews interest most kids. Of course, the national and international news (which is what you're hoping to include in the "diet"), is also very interesting and important. Maps-get him interested by showing him where you've been or where your original family is from---any way you can. Challenge him to find locations you know. Most book stores sell inexpensive maps. ---------- What more can you do? PLENTY! Take him to the Zoo, or a Museum or other interesting place. Don't believe any old bunk that these places are boring. Your local newspaper announces where these places are, what they are showing and when open. You may find it hard to believe, but LISTENING is an important way to help your child. Let him tell you about school or friends--see if you can accurately repeat what he has said. ACTIVE listening is a learned skill. If you're like me, you're so busy THINKING about what you're going to say NEXT, you don't really listen 100%. When you actively listen, the message to your child is very powerful. It says he is very important. Everybody needs to be HEARD! BUT WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP? Every parent can help even if you're not a genius or your English isn't perfect. YOU are the key. Your ATTITUDE, willingness to get involved, is important. Don't be a SILENT partner---work WITH the school. ATTITUDE---NOT GREAT TALENT---IS ALL-IMPORTANT ---------- As a parent, you want success for your kid. SO DO THE TEACHERS--IT MAKES THEM LOOK GOOD! Success in school usually means success in life. What's stopping that success? A few things: Unfocused-it takes a little while to develop good study skill habits. Bad habits must be replaced with good ones. Your child needs your encouragement, support and strength. You must teach him to stay with a task and not quit. Even when it's tough. ---ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S TOUGH. (Good habits are listed later) Distractions-too many things compete for the attention of our children; TV, friends, plus his own growing up needs. If YOU make school the #1 priority, it will be HIS #1 interest. Money shortages in schools-budget cuts make things tight. The schools cannot both educate and "parent" your kids. Schools desperately need your help as a PARTNER. Together, you can be a strong TEAM. THE PARENTING PART THAT YOU SHOULD DO: Food-no engine can run without fuel. Make certain that your child is fed before coming to school. Sleep-some kids get sleepy in school. They can't learn that way. Your child needs a lot of rest. Don't let him stay up on a night when he must go to school the next day. Clothes-he should be dressed for the weather. If he is cold, he won't be able to concentrate. Lay out the clothes the night before. Tools-like anybody doing an important job, he needs proper tools--in this case, pencils, paper and books. Prepare his tools the night before. ---------- [I forgot to mention that to simplify things, the terms "he/his/him" used here are meant to include ALL children, both boys and girls. Also "child" is meant to include ALL your children]. EXPECT RESISTANCE FROM YOUR CHILD--IT'S NATURAL Your child will resist most suggestions, OUT OF HABIT. He's constantly TESTING you. He'll make your efforts seem like you are asking him to shave his head. Be tough. Be stubborn. It takes great effort to get a big stone out of deep mud. Your child's attitude. Help your child have a good attitude about school. If he hears you criticize the school or the teacher, he'll pick that up. If there is something you're unhappy with, TALK to somebody at the school. Don't complain in front of your child. No one is suggesting you "bottle it up." WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE MAIN DISTRACTION----TELEVISION There are more TV's in our country than bathtubs. TV affects us in good and bad ways. Some say the effects are all bad. Others say they are not sure. An old saying goes, "If you can't BEAT them, JOIN them." In other words, since we have accepted TV, we might as well use it to serve us better. Most people actively pick a program to watch, at first. Then they usually watch whatever comes on next. This is a random or accidental choice, not really a "choice" at all. A better way might be to select programs IN ADVANCE by marking the listings from the TV section of the newspaper. Carefully. It might help to reduce mindless, automatic watching a little. TV watching is not an active thing. Health experts warn us that our children need more exercise. Research shows they are becoming "couch potatoes"---meaning they would rather watch TV than play games or sports or socialize. "Couch Potato" may be a cute term, but a rotten way to live a life. [Remember, these notes are only a short version of a comprehensive book on this subject! ===Send $14.00 (taxes included) plus $4.00 SHIPPING/HANDLING, Total $18.00, to: Dr. Norman L. Ellenberg 1925 Tiburon Ct., Rowland Hts., CA. 91748] ---------- EVEN HIS FRIENDS CAN BE A DISTRACTION It is very important for your child to have friends. But young persons growing up are often unsure of themselves. Like the rest of us, they need to be ACCEPTED. They sometimes allow their friends to influence them too strongly. This is called PEER PRESSURE. It is probably the single toughest thing to cope with! Does this mean only his friends count? Not at all. The young years are only TEMPORARY insanity and pass. You are there as his rock and anchor. He is so SURE of your love and support, he can afford to "ignore" you. But that doesn't stop him from testing you. Like a soccer player testing the strength of a goal keeper. It is unrealistic to have him do EVERYTHING your way? What in life is 100% ? Carefully pick a few important things that you want your child to do. Then, save your "ammunition" for these big issues and let the smaller stuff alone. Parenting is a stressful job, and by adjusting your demands, everyone in the family will be happier. IMPROVING THE HOME STUDY PROCESS As stated earlier, this is where a Partnership between parent and school can work very well. What is homework? Most homework is a way to sharpen skills through practice on things taught in school. Anything a person wants to improve requires practice. HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD WITH HIS HOMEWORK Try to develop GOOD STUDY HABITS: Make it a positive experience. YOUR attitude here is very important. Think of homework as an chance to improve your skills, not drudgery. It is probably best to do it at the same time and in the same place each night---it will get to be a habit. A GOOD habit. The PLACE is very important. It should have good light, good seating and away from family "traffic". Research has not yet solved the question of a student wanting to listen to music while doing homework. Some studies say it's bad, others are not so sure. How about a compromise? Learning styles differ, so allow your child to pick his work method. If his teacher is satisfied with the results, so should you be. The Homework "Hot Line." You call the number with your questions or watch TV, and advisors are on hand to help. This concept is growing. Teachers will tape messages that parents (and students) can receive. This is one way parents can participate directly. WHAT TO SAY TO: "WHAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY?---NOTHING!" Parents show their interest in their kids and ask them what happened in school--and the usual answer is---NOTHING! The truth is TOO MUCH happened for your child to relate it accurately. The high point of his day probably was social (some cute girl smiled at him or your daughter's friend told her there was an opening on the cheerleading squad). Try not to make light of the social events; it's all part of growing up. But, it really wasn't what you expected to hear. If you want SCHOOL information, you might try specific questions like: "Are you still studying the Congress?--- Do you discuss what they did in the past or the things they are doing right now?-OR- What kinds of creative writing have you done---can you read your work to me? " General questions will get you nowhere. Never ask a school-related question that can be answered with a simple "Yes or No". It is highly likely that's EXACTLY what you'll get. One word and no more. ---------- WOULD YOU BE HIRED FOR THE JOB? This will sound strange, but suppose you were applying for the job of PARENT for your own child? Play along, and ask yourself if you can answer "most of the time" to these questions: 1. Love- Parents FEEL love for their children. But, do you SHOW it? That means support and words of encouragement, even hugging and kissing, when appropriate. Do you demonstrate love? 2. Responsibility-unlike an electrical appliance, nobody gave you a set of instructions on how to be great with your "precious goods"---your child. Is it clear in your house that the child is not the parent, YOU are? 3. Giving-not as easy as it looks. Some parents who had little as a child give too many material things now, mostly money. The other extreme, giving too little, denies a child what he needs. The hardest thing is to BALANCE the giving between emotional support and material things. Do you? 4. Flexibility-rules are great for helping general conduct. Yet, "special" situations arise. For example, it is a good rule to have your child home at a certain hour. Sometimes, however, a special party or event might make you want to relax the rule on a one-time basis only. Do you have this quality of being flexible? 5. Sacrifice-parents have the toughest job in the world; no holidays, work hours are "forever", and you are dealing with a constantly-changing person. Nobody praises you when you do things right, but everybody criticizes you when they think you are making mistakes. Yet, you are called on to help with homework when you're tired or care for a sick child when you'd rather nurse your own bones. Would you say that you are able to make the necessary sacrifices for you child? SCORING: If you have three out of five, you are hired! 0-2 means there's still a chance. You are in charge; things can change if you want them to. Unlike the military, parents are not awarded medals for their generous and exceptional efforts. Yet, they deserve them just the same! This BOOKLET IS THE short VERSION. The **FULL-LENGTH BOOK** on disk, can be purchased directly from: Dr. N. Ellenberg 1925 Tiburon Ct. Rowland Hts., Ca. 91748 for $14.00 which INCLUDES your state and local tax + $4.00 S/H=== ***Total $18.00***Checks or Money Orders Only, please. (Hard copies with dazzling Graphics/Fonts are available on inquiry)