Structuring Your Personal Statement Copyright Linda Abraham 1994 You're sitting in front of the computer screen. Your word processing program is open, but the screen is blank. You've been staring at it for what seems like an eternity. You don't know where to start or where to go. What are they looking for? How are you supposed to write it? The cause of your frustration? A college application essay. You can write a college application essay in many different ways, but the human interest story provides an effective model for your essay. You read human interest stories in newspapers and magazines all the time. They are popular and effective because they engage the reader's interest, persuade him of the writer's point of view, and sell periodicals. Similarly, a college application essay or personal statement must engage the admissions staff, convince them of your viewpoint, and sell you. Human interest stories typically have the following structure: lead, thesis, body, conclusion. Using that structure for your personal statement provides you with a framework around which to build your essay. Begin with a lead, also called a hook. A lead is usually a brief anecdote, a question, a startling statistic or quote, or a gripping description of a scene. The lead has a very important job: hooking the reader. Any writer will tell you that the first few lines of an article, ad, or letter determine the success of that piece. And the same is true for your essay. Put your most interesting tidbit at the beginning. Now that you have the reader's attention, tell her the point of your essay--the thesis. The thesis can be a one-sentence summary or road map of your personal statement. It typically follows the lead and introduces the body, the longest section of your paper. The body provides evidence to support your thesis. In writing the body avoid generalities and platitudes; give concrete examples from your life. Writing about specific experiences has a number of advantages: * Specifics keep the reader's attention more effectively than generalities. * Drawing on situations in your life will distinguish you from other applicants who superficially may be very similar to you. All good things must end; so too must your essay end with a conclusion. The conclusion ties up the essay by briefly referring back to the lead, restating the thesis, and if relevant, mentioning some long term goals. Lead, thesis, body, conclusion. That is the structure of a successful human interest story and personal statement. After all, the effective personal statement really tells a human interest story--a human interest story about you. ***REPRINTING THIS ARTICLE*** BBS's and online systems may upload this article, and schools and school organizations are welcome to reprint and distribute copies of it provided the contents remain unchanged and the copyright and following credit appear on the material: "This article was written by Linda Abraham, author of the pamphlet, "How to Write an OUTSTANDING Personal Statement." Ms. Abraham has been helping students develop polished, well-written personal statements since 1992. She also lectures on the subject. You can contact her on CIS at 72604,551, via E-mail at 72604.551@compuserve.com, and by telephone at 310-392- 1734." Please send a copy of newsletters that include reprints to Linda Abraham; 1303 Ozone Avenue; Santa Monica, CA 90405 ---------- Thirteen Steps to an Outstanding Personal Statement Step 1--General Preparation * Study the structure of human-interest stories discussed in the file "Structuring Your Personal Statement" Just as this structure enables journalists to involve readers in their stories, convince them of the their point of view, and sell magazines, it helps you to engage your reader on a personal level, keep her interested, and persuade her that you are right for her school. * Jot down ideas for possible themes and leads. Step 2--Choose a topic and develop your thesis * Pick a topic that excites you. * Examples of good topics: 1. How you overcame a difficulty or hardship. 2. A particularly influential event or person. 3. An incident that taught you a lesson. 4. An experience that convinced you your career path is the right one for you. * The thesis is the main point you want to communicate, a one sentence answer to the essay question. The rest of the personal statement fills in the details and provides explanations, specific examples, and reasons. * Make sure your thesis answers the question. "Why do you want to go to law school?" is a different question than "What experience do you have that demonstrates an aptitude for law?" and requires a different answer. * A because statement can help you to develop your thesis. If you are having trouble coming up with a thesis, a because statement is a good tool for developing one. For example: 1. I want to be a doctor because I want to help others and by doing so give meaning and importance to my life, as did my friend, Joey, who died while serving his community. . 2. I want to be a dentist because, as a result of my work at the Free Clinic, I know the thrill of helping others and I like work that requires precision and mechanical aptitude. 3. My volunteer work in a cancer ward has prepared me for a career in social work because it taught me how to maintain professional objectivity while empathizing with my clients/patients qualities that are crucial to a social worker. 4. I admire Paul because he taught me about the nature of true friendship and the virtures of hard work and persistance, None of the above statements is elegant or eloquent. Not one of them appeared verbatim in a final draft. But each one contains the backbone of a good essay and the answer to an application question. The clauses that follow the because contain the points that you will develop in your essay. With a good thesis you have the direction and focus necessary to move on to the next step structuring your personal statement. Step 3--Outline your essay * Concentrate on structure and order. Choose which specific experience(s) best illustrate your thesis and determine the most logical order in which to present them. * Make sure each point in the essay supports the thesis and that each sub-point supports the point it follows. * Throw out anything extraneous. Step 4--Write the body Now you can put meat on the skeleton that your outline provides. At this point, don't worry about grammar or style; just get the essay down on paper. * Finalize and expand on your thesis. * Provide evidence to support your thesis. Discuss how a particular event or person influenced you. Explain why, with examples, you want to pursue your career or educational goals. Discuss the effect these events or people had upon you. Remember: Your experiences distinguish you from other applicants. * Be specific. Specific examples are much more powerful and interesting than generalities. For example: 1. If you are writing about your volunteer work with the homeless, don't write about nameless, faceless homeless people; write about Joe, the bald, disabled Vietnam vet with the engaging smile, who taught you something meaningful. 2. If you're writing about your visit to the Capitol, write about a specific observation meeting your congressman or observing the Senate vote on NAFTA, not general observations about the quality of our political system. 3. Write about a particular incident during your summer trip and its effect on you; don't give an itinerary. Step 5--Insert the lead Any writer will tell you that the beginning of an article, direct mail piece, or ad determines the success of that piece. Put your most interesting tidbit, anecdote, or experience in your lead. * Examples of good leads: (From real personal statements.) 1. "My full name, XXXX XXXX, has been a source of frustration and curiosity to Americans: frustration because they can't pronounce it and curiosity because they immediately want to know what it means. It means Powerful Angel in Tibetan." This essay goes on to describe incidents from her trips to Tibet and India, the lessons she learned, and her ambition to become a lawyer who will work for Tibetan independence. 2. "The city was burning. Gray smoke filled the black sky when ..." This essay goes on to poignantly discuss the death of this student's friend during the Los Angeles riots, and how coming to grips with his friend's passing clarified the student's career goals and motivated him in his studies. Step 6--Write the conclusion * Restate your thesis and tie up your essay. * Connect the lead and conclusion. For example the essay with lead #1 above concluded: "By doing so, (becoming a lawyer and working for Tibetan independence) I will fulfill the mission implied in my hard-to-pronounce name: I will be a Powerful Angel." The conclusion in the essay with lead #2 indirectly refers to the riots, but emphasizes the student's determination to become a doctor: "Joey's death was a very tragic way to learn what I want to do with my life. But I did learn. Now I am a dedicated, disciplined, and mature student determined to realize my potential and become a doctor." Up to this point, you concentrated on getting the essay down cogently on paper. It is now time to focus on good style and correct English usage. The real hard work--revising, editing, and proofreading--begins now. These steps are critical to the success of your personal statement. The essay must be written in extremely correct English. Step 7--Revise essay * Make sure the essay answers the question on the application and makes sense. * Check spelling, grammar, and style. Don't rely exclusively on your computer to spell-check your paper. It misses certain spelling errors--homophones (to, two, too), words that should be compounded (proofread or proof read), etc. Are all your sentences really sentences? Is your punctuation correct? Step 8--Put it away for a few days and don't look at it. Step 9--Revise the essay again. * Recheck grammar, spelling, and style. Did you mysteriously change tense or person in the middle of the essay? Have you kept use of the passive voice to a minimum? Are phrases close to the word they are modifying or are they dangling off in outer space? * Make sure your essay isn't choppy. If it is, you may need transitions to connect paragraphs. Double check: do all your ideas relate back to your thesis? * Be succinct. Use as few words as possible to express yourself. Make every word say something previously unsaid. Step 10--Show the essay to others. * Show it to someone who knows you well and can assess how well it reveals something unique about you. * Show it to someone who writes well and ask her to concentrate on grammar and style. Step 11--Finalize the essay. * Revise the essay again. Evaluate your critics' suggestions and incorporate those you think have merit. * Read it out loud. Tape yourself. When you play it back, listen for phrases that just don't sound right and fix them. Step 12--Proofread the final draft. * Give it a neat, professional appearance. Typed and without typos. * Make sure you send the right essay to the right school. Step 13--Mail it out and celebrate! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ FYI--Recommended Reading --------------------------------- Strunk and White "Elements of Style Boykin Curry and Brian Kasbar "Essays That Worked" Linda Abraham "How to Write an OUTSTANDING Personal Statement" ***REPRINTING THIS ARTICLE*** BBS's and online systems may upload this article, and schools and school organizations are welcome to reprint and distribute copies of it provided the contents remain unchanged and the copyright and following credit appear on the material: "This article was written by Linda Abraham, author of the booklet, "How to Write an OUTSTANDING Personal Statement." Ms. Abraham has been helping students develop polished, well-written personal statements since 1992. She also lectures on the subject. You can contact her on CIS at 72604,551, on AOL at LindAbra, via E-mail at 72604.551@compuserve.com, and by telephone at 310-392- 1734." Please send a copy of newsletters that include reprints to Linda Abraham; 1303 Ozone Avenue; Santa Monica, CA 90405. ---------- 1?say with a conclusion that refers back to the lead and restates your thesis. 7 Revise your essay at least three times. 8 In addition to your editing, ask someone else to critique your personal statement for you. 9 Proofread your personal statement by reading it out loud or reading it into a tape recorder and playing back the tape. 10 Write clearly, succinctly ______________ The Don'ts 1 Don't include information that doesn't support your thesis. 2 Don't start your essay with "I was born in...," or "My parents came from... " 3 Don't write an autobiography, itinerary, or rsum in prose. 4 Don't try to be a clown (but gentle humor is OK). 5 Don't be afraid to start over if the essay just isn't working or doesn't answer the essay question. 6 Don't try to impress your reader with your vocabulary. 7 Don't rely exclusively on your computer to check your spelling. 8 Don't provide a collection of generic statements and platitudes. 9 Don't give mealy-mouthed, weak excuses for your GPA or test scores. 10 Don't make things up. ************************************************************ These Do's and Don'ts are excerpted from "How to Write an Outstanding Personal Statement" by Linda Abraham. Ms. Abraham has been helping students applying to college and graduate school with their personal statements and application essays since 1992. Her booklet provides a 13-step program for writing a polished, revealing piece that will help your application land in the admit pile. If you are interested either in Ms Abraham's assistance with your essay or in obtaining her booklet, please call 310-392-1734 or send e-mail to Ms. Abraham at 72604.551@compuserve.com. or LindaAbrah@aol.com Copyright 1995 Linda Abraham ***REPRINTING THIS ARTICLE*** BBS's and online systems may upload this article, and schools and school organizations are welcome to reprint and distribute copies of it provided the contents, including the last paragraph, remain unchanged and the copyright appears on the material. Please send a copy of newsletters that include reprints to Linda Abraham; 1303 Ozone Avenue; Santa Monica, CA 90405. ---------- End of Document