Talking About Safer Sex

                           Laura S. Struhl, Ph.D.




          One in every 250 Americans is carrying the AIDS virus (HIV).
          One of every five Americans carries a sexually transmitted
          disease (STD).
          It takes an average of ten years before someone with HIV
          develops AIDS.
          AIDS is now one of 3 main causes of death for Americans 25 to
          44 years old.
          The risk of catching some STDs increases each time you are
          exposed to the bacteria or virus.
          Many STDs are not very noticeable until it is too late.



   Being informed is not enough. You must be able to negotiate safer sex
   with all your partners from now on. Your life may very well depend
   upon it. Here are some pointers about how to talk with both new and
   old sexual partners:

   Speak up. Talk realistically about your intentions and the facts
   related to sexually transmitted disease before you do anything sexual.
   Yes, before you take anyone's clothes off. If you wait until the last
   minute, you really might wimp out and not say anything. How great can
   sex be if you're secretly wondering if you're in the process of
   catching a life threatening disease?

   Educate yourself. If you sound educated rather than only scared, your
   partner will look silly putting you down. If you still get put down,
   take a cold shower and find someone who is thinking with their brains
   rather than their genitals. It's a lot easier to deal with rejection
   than to deal with AIDS. Call the AIDS Hotline at the Centers for
   Disease Control: 800-342-AIDS; or for a Spanish version 800-344-SIDA;
   for the hearing impaired 800-AIDS-TTY. Keep yourself sober. Drugs and
   alcohol can cloud your judgment and make it impossible to make good
   decisions.Plan when you will bring up the subject. The first date is a
   bad time. When you are in the throws of passion is a bad time. You
   need to find a time in between, preferably when you are not feeling
   romantic and ready to make love.

   Plan, but be flexible. Talk about it when it seems right, not
   according to a schedule. If your partner creates an opening, go with
   it. Just because you've talked about it once doesn't mean you can't
   talk about it again. The risk of sexually transmitted diseases is a
   big topic.

   If you are embarrassed, just admit it. Then keep talking. Getting
   started is the hardest part. After that it usually gets easier. It's
   your LIFE you are risking. Don't wimp out where it counts.

   Ask questions, and watch your partner's reactions. Slow down if you
   are not getting a good response. Give yourselves time to think about
   what you are saying. Stick to the facts and your feelings. Myths and
   speculation can cloud the issue. If you have questions about specific
   topics, make it project to get the facts.

   Carry latex condoms with you. If you carry them in a wallet in your
   back pocket, change them every few weeks. Heat and sweat can break
   down the condom, and make it easy to tear. Never use condoms made of
   natural membranes. Make sure you know how to properly use a condom.

   Be clear about your own sexual limits. Know what you will and won't
   do. Being clear will make it a lot easier to talk about protection.

  Here are a few opening lines:


          "I heard on television the other day that teenagers and women
          are the highest risk groups for AIDS. Can you believe that?"

          "What do you think about this whole AIDS crisis?"

          "I've been thinking about this safer sex thing everyone's
          talking about. Do you ever think you should protect yourself?"

          "You said you dated a lot. How do you protect yourself from
          AIDS?"

          "I know it's tough to talk about this, but I think we need to
          talk about AIDS. I've been tested. Have you?"

          "They say condoms can protect both of us from all kinds of
          diseases that don't show symptoms until its too late. What do
          you think about condoms?"

                       Sexuality: Other Resources



   Author Laura S. Struhl, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist practicing
   in San Diego, CA. Along with providing psychotherapy to individuals
   and couples, she develops sex education materials.



          Copyright © 1996 by Pioneer Development Resources, Inc.
                          All rights reserved